Is Windsurfing Complicated?
Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 6:07 pm
Taken from : http://www.windsurfingmag.com/article.jsp?ID=31354
Is Windsurfing Complicated?
By Eric Sanford
The word is out. Windsurfing is complicated. The only problem is, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, windsurfing is the simplest sport on earth. Therefore, by redundant conductive reasoning (a basic type of philosophical conclusion learned in high school by the 10 percent of the class that was not sleeping), windsurfers are the simplest people on earth.
And I have proof! First let's look at the basic sailor. Aside from the floor of his car, there is absolutely no clutter in his life. None. There is no need for all the mundane appurtenances that burden your average non-addicted windsurfer. Things like a job, for instance. A real windsurfer don't need no stinking job. A job, of course, is complicated. You have to figure out what you do and go there every day and wear all sorts of special clothes and do all sorts of complicated things like stocking grocery store shelves (think about how many different things there are to stock!) or changing flat tires down at the filling station (think about how many different types of tires there are!). No, jobs are very complicated things. So in the interest of keeping the sport simple, windsurfers don't have jobs.
I can just hear you now.
"What about a car? Windsurfers have cars, don't they? And cars are complicated!"
Well, you're right. Many windsurfers actually do own cars, although this term may have to be modified in the future to include vehicles that only vaguely resemble actual automobiles. Windsurfers, though, keep their cars as simple as possible (since in many instances they also serve as homes).
The driving apparatus on a windsurfer's car is actually quite simple. There is none of the usual steering-side clutter that makes most modern vehicles so complicated. First of all, a windsurfer's car has only three moving parts: the steering wheel, the gas pedal and the horn. Everything else is either missing or rusted solid. There is no clutch, no brakes and no gauges. The windsurfer simply avoids problem areas - pedestrians, pets, mailboxes, etc. - by blowing the horn, tromping on the gas and driving around them (unless they happen to move by themselves, in which case it is only necessary to blow the horn).
Since the windsurfer's car doors are all rusted, welded or crushed permanently shut, the entire roof has been discreetly removed to enable quick and easy access for both bodies and equipment. The windshield is pre-cracked to avoid the complicated issue of worrying about getting a cracked windshield. See? Simple!
And, because there's no gas gauge, there's no complicated mathematical figuring to see if you might have enough gas to get to the beach. You just assume you can. There are no head or tail lights, so there's no complicated calculation to figure the proper hour of the day to turn them on. There are no blinkers, so there are no complicated communication worries. And there's no spare tire, so there's no complicated jack and tire-changing procedure to figure out.
Yes, a windsurfer's car is simple. While windsurfers occasionally own cars, they never own homes. If a windsurfer had a home, his life would be complicated. There would be complicated mortgage payments and phone bills and electric bills and complicated instructions on the bags of Weed & Feed. And what about all those complicated zoning laws and subdivision covenants to worry about? I mean, first the Beaufort Scale, and NOW THIS? I just wanna burn these spare tires, for crying out loud!
No, windsurfers keep things simple. And that goes for their eating habits too - which, of course, means no restaurants. Ordering food in a restaurant can be very complicated. Deciphering the bill at the end of the meal is intricate. Figuring out who owes how much in the party of 10 you're with is hopelessly complex. I mean, how do you figure out if Bob (who had the side salad but no coffee with dessert) owes more than George (who got that side order of candied yams but shared his dessert with Fred)? For this reason, windsurfers don't eat out. In fact, they seldom even go to grocery stores, and when they do, they limit their purchases to the Three Items or Less line, where they pay with change found in, around and behind the front seat of their car.
Your basic, uncomplicated windsurfer will make his culinary decisions from the following list: peanut butter, 2-day-old bread, Ding Dongs, peanut butter, PowerBars, chocolate milk, peanut butter and Snickers bars. You will never see a windsurfer at the grocery store with a checkbook, pile of discount coupons, torn-out newspaper ads, grocery list, and a shopping cart overflowing with Fruit Loops, Pampers and three screaming kids.
So all in all, you really must agree with me that windsurfing is not a complicated sport. If windsurfing were a complicated sport, I can assure you that there would be many more people windsurfing than there are, since all those non-windsurfing people apparently love all those complicated things in their lives.
Is Windsurfing Complicated?
By Eric Sanford
The word is out. Windsurfing is complicated. The only problem is, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, windsurfing is the simplest sport on earth. Therefore, by redundant conductive reasoning (a basic type of philosophical conclusion learned in high school by the 10 percent of the class that was not sleeping), windsurfers are the simplest people on earth.
And I have proof! First let's look at the basic sailor. Aside from the floor of his car, there is absolutely no clutter in his life. None. There is no need for all the mundane appurtenances that burden your average non-addicted windsurfer. Things like a job, for instance. A real windsurfer don't need no stinking job. A job, of course, is complicated. You have to figure out what you do and go there every day and wear all sorts of special clothes and do all sorts of complicated things like stocking grocery store shelves (think about how many different things there are to stock!) or changing flat tires down at the filling station (think about how many different types of tires there are!). No, jobs are very complicated things. So in the interest of keeping the sport simple, windsurfers don't have jobs.
I can just hear you now.
"What about a car? Windsurfers have cars, don't they? And cars are complicated!"
Well, you're right. Many windsurfers actually do own cars, although this term may have to be modified in the future to include vehicles that only vaguely resemble actual automobiles. Windsurfers, though, keep their cars as simple as possible (since in many instances they also serve as homes).
The driving apparatus on a windsurfer's car is actually quite simple. There is none of the usual steering-side clutter that makes most modern vehicles so complicated. First of all, a windsurfer's car has only three moving parts: the steering wheel, the gas pedal and the horn. Everything else is either missing or rusted solid. There is no clutch, no brakes and no gauges. The windsurfer simply avoids problem areas - pedestrians, pets, mailboxes, etc. - by blowing the horn, tromping on the gas and driving around them (unless they happen to move by themselves, in which case it is only necessary to blow the horn).
Since the windsurfer's car doors are all rusted, welded or crushed permanently shut, the entire roof has been discreetly removed to enable quick and easy access for both bodies and equipment. The windshield is pre-cracked to avoid the complicated issue of worrying about getting a cracked windshield. See? Simple!
And, because there's no gas gauge, there's no complicated mathematical figuring to see if you might have enough gas to get to the beach. You just assume you can. There are no head or tail lights, so there's no complicated calculation to figure the proper hour of the day to turn them on. There are no blinkers, so there are no complicated communication worries. And there's no spare tire, so there's no complicated jack and tire-changing procedure to figure out.
Yes, a windsurfer's car is simple. While windsurfers occasionally own cars, they never own homes. If a windsurfer had a home, his life would be complicated. There would be complicated mortgage payments and phone bills and electric bills and complicated instructions on the bags of Weed & Feed. And what about all those complicated zoning laws and subdivision covenants to worry about? I mean, first the Beaufort Scale, and NOW THIS? I just wanna burn these spare tires, for crying out loud!
No, windsurfers keep things simple. And that goes for their eating habits too - which, of course, means no restaurants. Ordering food in a restaurant can be very complicated. Deciphering the bill at the end of the meal is intricate. Figuring out who owes how much in the party of 10 you're with is hopelessly complex. I mean, how do you figure out if Bob (who had the side salad but no coffee with dessert) owes more than George (who got that side order of candied yams but shared his dessert with Fred)? For this reason, windsurfers don't eat out. In fact, they seldom even go to grocery stores, and when they do, they limit their purchases to the Three Items or Less line, where they pay with change found in, around and behind the front seat of their car.
Your basic, uncomplicated windsurfer will make his culinary decisions from the following list: peanut butter, 2-day-old bread, Ding Dongs, peanut butter, PowerBars, chocolate milk, peanut butter and Snickers bars. You will never see a windsurfer at the grocery store with a checkbook, pile of discount coupons, torn-out newspaper ads, grocery list, and a shopping cart overflowing with Fruit Loops, Pampers and three screaming kids.
So all in all, you really must agree with me that windsurfing is not a complicated sport. If windsurfing were a complicated sport, I can assure you that there would be many more people windsurfing than there are, since all those non-windsurfing people apparently love all those complicated things in their lives.
you wrote a whole page about windsurfing being complicated I was going to read it but couldent realy be bothered 
stupid internet windsurfers